Lessons from loss
Two weeks ago, I was at a funeral to support a colleague who had lost her mother. It was a beautiful ceremony where fond memories were shared. I was glad I could be there for her.
My mother would have turned 85 this August 11th. She passed away in 2010 after suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. My father, brother, and I were there when she slipped away from us. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. The three of us were connected through her, and since then even more.
I will confess I kept a negative view of the relationship with my mum. All was fine in the early years, but I got more critical of her in my adolescence. Our communication became troublesome, and somehow we didn’t understand each other as well as before. And as I started to build up my own family life, we lost the opportunity to fix it.
Only recently have I realized our difficulties could be due to our similarities. She had a few traits that I recognize in myself:
- She was very active, always busy with something in or around the house. I have always found it very hard to sit back and relax; it felt like wasting time (I’ve finally mastered to enjoy doing nothing).
- Next to running a family, my mother was also very interested in learning. Every winter, she would enroll in a training or course, start a new hobby (and stay busy, obviously). I love learning too, and it feels great to keep expanding my comfort zone.
- My mother often shared her opinion, even when it was less popular. I still get that feedback, and I understand it can be pretty exhausting (sorry).
- We both enjoy taking naps at any place when we feel like it.
- Last but not least: my mum had become very fond of writing. She would be very content with my newsletter and book project.
Looking back, I am very proud of my mother. The loving relationship of my parents has become my gold standard. I admire how she always supported us and still found the time to invest in herself. Due to Alzheimer, I feel I lost her when she was still alive. She has been gone for too long to say I miss her. But I would love to catch up with her now, look back together on our lives, and laugh about the silliness of it all.
I guess my message to you is: life is short, so share what you feel and what your loved ones need to hear. Enjoy that moment together!
Take care and till next time!
Kind regards,
Herman / Scrumpy Dad
